Blimey; I’ve been gone how long?!

Where the friggin’ hell have you been?! I’ve been writing and writing and posting and posting and you’re nowhere to be seen! You just disappeared!

Oh no. Hang on. That was me.

A mixture of half moving house (don’t ask), disrupted routines and sheer, leaden-arse laziness seems to have contributed to, well, nothing. No blogs, no quips, no jaw-dropping ‘this can’t really be true, can it?.. Oh god, it really is,’ stories of Shop Girl awfulness…nothing.

Well, no more. Soon there will be a story of such marvellously horrible OAP ickyness, you’ll never look at your Grandad in the same way again.

Sorry.

Nah, not sorry. 

Keep your eyes peeled.

Picture: Geralt, Pixabay

I’ve got the ghost of a Feeling…but it might just be wind

How come those customers (you know the ones) always pick the exact day I really, really want to leave on time to come in near closing and be weird?  How do they know I’ve got tickets for a show and need to be on a train within 45 minutes of closing time? How do they know!? It’s spooky…..

This time it was a mother and daughter. They came in fifteen minutes before the shop was due to shut, looked briefly and disinterestedly at the stock (‘Yay!’ I thought. ‘They’re obviously not going to stay long….’), and then the mother asked to sit down (12 minutes to closing and counting). 

Umm... where exactly do you think you are?”

It’s always a good idea for shop owners to make it clear what they’re selling. If you make it look like a duck and make it walk like a duck, the chances are customers will realise you are actually selling ducks (obviously not literally, although I suppose there are people who sell ducks…).

Photo: Alexas-Fotos:Pixabay

The mystery of the invisible shop

Photo: Pixabay: Graphic Mama

At least once a week a random customer will come in and ask me if this is a new shop. Not so strange, you may think. Except this has been happening for almost five years. The conversation often goes something like this:

“Are you new here? You must be new here.”

“Not really. We’ve been here for almost five years now.”

“No. That can’t be right.”

“Er, well yes, we have.”

“You weren’t here the last time I was in town.”

“When was that?”

“A few months ago.”

“Um, yes. We definitely were.”

“Oh. But I haven’t seen you before.”

“You haven’t? OK….. Well... er.... I’m sorry about that, but we were definitely here then”

Sounding most put-out: “Oh.”

Awkward pause……and we’re off again: