Wipe clean and recycle: the charitable fetishist’s motto

Volunteer S from the charity shop next door came in dragging a full bin liner behind him and smirking all over his face.

“I’ve had the best donation ever!”

I’m used to the volunteers moaning about dirty chip pans, stained tracksuit bottoms and broken picture frames, so this was new. He put his hand in the bin liner and slowly pulled out a very short, very tight, shiny plastic nurse’s uniform, complete with full length zip, little white cap and white stockings attached. I stared at it. Who would even bring something like that in? And who on earth would want to touch it? But he wasn’t done. Next he pulled out a short, frilly, low cut black number, with a red pinny, and black stockings attached, which was clearly a naughty maid’s outfit.

Picture: OpenClipart Vectors: Pixabay

But there was more. 

How to (almost) lose a good shop girl part 2: in five weeks

(Also see: How to lose a good shop girl part 1:in ten seconds)

Photo: Schuldnerhilfe: Pixabay

I was having a lovely holiday. I was feeling happy and relaxed……and then I got a text from The Boss Erratic (aka TBE). (A quick word about TBE: she always texts. She never calls. It’s a way of keeping those annoying people who want your time and attention at arms length – like employees).

The text said:

How to lose a good shop girl part 1: in ten seconds

(Also see: How to (almost) lose a good shop girl part2: in five weeks).

Colleague Cockney wasn’t everybody’s cup of tea; she couldn’t spell (deciphering her messages was an interesting task), she had a foghorn voice that was drenched in nicotine, and she talked incessantly. Her cockney accent also drew comment (mainly from shop colleagues and The Boss Erratic, it has to be said, who were a bit sniffy).

Photo: 947051: Pixabay

Communicating with Colleague Cockney via phone was very different to communicating with The Boss Erratic (aka TBE). She liked to chat, in real time. 

In contrast, TBE does everything by text (it is not unusual for me to not see or speak to TBE for three or four months at a time. But that’s another post – I’ll let you know when I’ve written it).

Still, Colleague Cockney was new, and she was learning. She was fine in the shop on her own (there is only ever one person in the Out Of Favour shop at any one time), her attitude was good; she was cheerful, popular with customers and she had a good work ethic.

But Colleague Cockney got the sack. I am reliably informed it happened like this:

Safety procedures? Us? Ooo, you are funny!

New people have moved into the office upstairs. One came down to ask about our fire safety procedures:

Who was our fire warden?

How often did we have fire drills?

Where were our fire alarms?

When was our next fire safety check due?

I stared at him blankly for a few long seconds and then shrugged. Which, in hindsight, was probably not very helpful or reassuring to him.

Picture: Stock Up: New Old Stock

Who on earth do you think we are?!

People mistake the Out Of Favour shop for a charity shop ALL THE TIME!

This isn’t as random as it seems. The Out of Favour shop is next door to a charity shop, and because there is no name above our door people get confused easily. They shouldn’t. It seems perfectly clear to me, especially once inside. It’s bleedin’ obvious it’s a nice, normal boutique. But that doesn’t stop people trying to foist their plastic sacks full of broken, unwanted tat on me all the time:

“I’m just leaving this with you, love, OK?” (Um, no).

The trouble is, I have yet to find a polite way to tell them they’re in the wrong shop. It always comes out sounding horribly patronising. Let me offer you an excruciating example:

Photo: Pexels: Tookapic.com