Friday 22 September 2017

Say what now?

Call me old fashioned, but I am of the mind that a conversation should really make sense to both parties taking part. Isn’t it just plain rudeness for one party to carry on regardless of the obvious slack-jawed confusion playing about the face of their fellow conversationalist?

Here’s a tip: if the person standing in front of you looks massively puzzled and clearly has no idea what you're banging on about, stop bloody talking gibberish. 

Try to actually make sense. 

I know it takes some effort, but for the love of god, take a good look at yourself and reign it in. Don’t witter lazily away, zig-zagging this way and that like some self-absorbed linguistic equivalent of a downhill skier on a freshly snowed-on black run. 

Give us all a break, no one should have to work so hard. 

This is an honest, word for word conversation I had with a customer in July; which I suppose this could be filed under, ‘successfully holding a lengthy conversation with someone without having the first clue whatwe’re talking about’……...

Customer: Do you have any winter hats?
Shop Girl:  Not really no (it being summer and all.)  Are you going somewhere cold?
Customer: No, I’m going to the opera.

Photo:quinntheislander, Pixabay

Shop Girl:  Very nice. Is it outside then? (even if it is, you're still going to melt with heat exhaustion).
Customer: No, it’s inside with an orchestra.
Shop Girl: OK......(Of course it is. That explains it. Actually it doesn't. You're utterly mad).
Customer: It’s La Boheme.
Shop Girl:  Right (Is that the one with a geezer in a dress or the one with a girly in strides?).
Customer: It’s set at Christmas.
Shop Girl: Aaah, (I'm totally getting this now; I've totally got this...), so this is an audience participation thing then? (I'm thinking Rocky Horror Show but with everyone dressed in holly and ivy covered 17th century doublet and hose - and mistletoe festooned winter hats. Lovely. I think).
Customer: No, it’s being performed in November.
Shop Girl:  Oh. I see (I didn't see).
Customer: I have to look the part.
Shop Girl:  Right..... so all the attendees will be dressing to impress then? (Yeah: not sure how a winter hat is going to fullfil that brief, but each to his/her own).
Customer: I don’t know.
Shop Girl:  Oh. (Well,  love,  if you don't......)
Customer: I’m singing on stage.
Shop Girl:  You're singing on stage.
Customer: Yes. I'm singing on stage.
Shop Girl:  ..................

(I metaphorically throw my hands in the air in exasperation.....)

Shop Girl:  So you're looking for a winter hat as part of an operatic stage costume.....
Customer: (Giving me the, 'duh, how stupid are you? look): Yes.

Shop Girl:  Yeah. We still don't have any winter hats. Sorry. (Please go away. You've made my head hurt).


  1. I need to read your blog more often. So funny. I've been away from my shop long enough now to feel nostalgic for the madness. Good luck staying sane yourself. X

    PS. Argh, I know I haven't suggested any day trips yet in M! I've been busy journalisting. Will send you something next week!

  2. Ah, thank you! It's great you're enjoying it. I sometimes wonder how on earth I got into all this - and why I don't get out. Too lazy I think. The blog is definitely helping with the sanity though.