My head has gone numb...*

Oh My God the Out Of Favour shop is cold! 

My fingers are numb, my nose is freezing, and I swear there are icicles hanging off the end of my racks…

Photo: Pexels: Pixabay

This time I can’t blame TBE (aka The Boss Erratic).

I really can’t.

Despite my best efforts.

The building is old, made of stone and has no central heating. It would have been nice for the landlord to wack in a heating system to make us all toasty and happy and keep the damp out of the walls, thereby protecting his own investment as well as our own health and sanity, but, well, you know landlords.

Photo: Pexels: Pixabay

TBE has tried to compensate by filling the place with oil heaters, which are great if you’re prepared to crouch over like a bent old hag and remain a maximum of an inch and a half away from the scalding metal at all times, but they’re rubbish from anywhere else. If I move back just a teensy weensy bit it feels like I’ve stepped into the polar North. Or the polar South, I can’t honestly say I’d know the difference. 

Apart from the penguins, obviously.

This is why I am currently balanced precariously between the counter and a chair, trying to straddle a heater in an attempt to get my, er, everything as close as possible without actually sitting down and getting third degree burns.

From the front no one would know; all looks calm and composed – although yelping occasionally when my leg (or something) rests a little too long on the hot metal isn’t great. It tends to weird out the customers.

Also, I daren’t move too quickly because I’m afraid I’ll overbalance, catch my foot in the electrical lead and end up electrocuting myself, burning myself, and knocking myself out all at the same time.

At least I’d forget about the cold I suppose.

Original photo:Arcaion: Pixabay

You may think from my subtly whinging tone that I didn’t come prepared, but I did!

I am wearing enough layers to tackle the Matterhorn. And I tell you what, I reckon it would be warmer than this bloody shop.

The downside of my layer frenzy is I can’t actually move. And I definitely shouldn’t have had that extra cup of tea because, for the life of me, I can’t find where my outerwear ends and my underwear begins. Maybe I should just wear incontinence pants next time.

At least I’d be warmer…… 

*The title is from the film Withnail and I, just in case you were wondering, but I'm sure you know that.