I think I’m having a Milk War. It’s not as fun
as it sounds.
It started when TBE (aka The Boss Erratic)
brazenly stole the cafe fridge for her own house, leaving the Out Of Favour shop fridgeless, with only a bowl of water to keep the cafe milk in.
That was over
six months ago. There is still no fridge. There is only the bowl.
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Photo: Thor_Deichmann, Pixabay |
Six months in the life of a working café, with
no fridge, and only a bowl of water in which to keep the milk cold. You couldn’t
make it up. And I say cold, but it’s not cold (obvs). It’s more room temperature
really, which is not surprising, given that it is basically just milk sitting
in a room.
That’s disgusting right?
Well, the milk might not be cold, but this
quite appallingly ridiculous situation has certainly chilled the relationship
between TBE and myself. We appear to be having an ongoing fight about it.
At least, I think we’re having a fight. It’s
difficult to tell. It’s a slow motion, civilized war of attrition carried out
by leaving barbed little notes for each other in the shop. God, we’re so
British.
At the heart of the Milk War is this: I flatly
refuse to keep the milk for longer than two days. She flatly refuses to refuse
to keep the milk for longer than two days.
I talk about listeria, she talks about ‘the
sniff test.’
According to her, if the milk doesn’t smell
dodgy, it stays right there in the water. So when she’s around, the milk very
often stays right there in the water for five days.
Shall I say that again? Five days.
TBE serves people coffee and tea with milk that
has been unrefrigerated for five days.
See? I told you it was disgusting.
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I wouldn't if I were you...Photo: ajcespedes, Pixabay |
Still, there
do seem to be fewer and fewer customers coming into the cafe. Word seems to be getting
round about the standards of milk storage, and the quality of the cake (Oh God,
don’t forget the cake).
This might
have a teensy weensy bit do to with me.
I may have
mentioned the state of things to one or two café customers. I might even have uttered
the words ‘curdle’, ‘poisoning’, ‘toilet-hugger’ and ‘projectile vomiting’ once
or twice. But only for their own good. And, of course, to turn the milky tide
of The War.
You see, I’m
going to win this war of attrition.
I’m going
to win because I have the one thing she can’t compete with; I have The Truth!
And TBE can’t
handle The Truth! (Or, more specifically, she can’t handle the customers
knowing the truth – but that doesn’t sound so snappy….)
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A representation of our cafe. Everyone else is in the loo.Photo: Chummels, Pixabay |
I wouldn't want to go round to your boss's for dinner, you'd come out with Salmonella. Although I suppose she has a fridge at home... Nothing like putting your business first!
ReplyDeleteThat's TBE: never knowingly putting anyone or anything else first.
Delete