Friday 27 January 2017

Milk Wars, episode V: Shop Girl Strikes Back

I think I’m having a Milk War. It’s not as fun as it sounds.

It started when TBE (aka The Boss Erratic) brazenly stole the cafe fridge for her own house, leaving the Out Of Favour shop fridgeless, with only a bowl of water to keep the cafe milk in. 

That was over six months ago. There is still no fridge. There is only the bowl.

Photo: Thor_Deichmann, Pixabay

Friday 20 January 2017

Is that blue fluff in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?

MAMAA* Hep Cat Pensioner came in today and asked me if I wanted to see his ‘little friend’.

As you can imagine, this alarmed me somewhat.

Photo: geralt, Pixabay

Friday 13 January 2017

My head has gone numb...*

Oh My God the Out Of Favour shop is cold! 

My fingers are numb, my nose is freezing, and I swear there are icicles hanging off the end of my racks…

Photo: Pexels: Pixabay

This time I can’t blame TBE (aka The Boss Erratic).

I really can’t.

Friday 6 January 2017

Oh Annie, what would Daddy Warbucks say?

Picture: Prawny, Pixabay
What do I do about Annie?

Do I say I find her principles fundamentally wrong?

Do I tell her I find the free and unguarded tone of her chatter offensive, because it assumes endorsement, even corroboration on my part? Do I tell her she’s full of crap and should be ashamed of herself?

What I really want to do is stuff her mouth full of badger poo, slap her about the face with an angry woodcock, 

(It’s a bird. What did you think it was?),

and make her watch Bambi, Watership Down and Lassie Come Home all in one go (FYI, if anyone was looking to break me, that would just about do it).

My previous four conversations with Annie have begun like this: