Friday 30 September 2016

Wipe clean and recycle: the charitable fetishist’s motto

Volunteer S from the charity shop next door came in dragging a full bin liner behind him and smirking all over his face.

“I’ve had the best donation ever!”

I’m used to the volunteers moaning about dirty chip pans, stained tracksuit bottoms and broken picture frames, so this was new. He put his hand in the bin liner and slowly pulled out a very short, very tight, shiny plastic nurse’s uniform, complete with full length zip, little white cap and white stockings attached. I stared at it. Who would even bring something like that in? And who on earth would want to touch it? But he wasn’t done. Next he pulled out a short, frilly, low cut black number, with a red pinny, and black stockings attached, which was clearly a naughty maid’s outfit.

Picture: OpenClipart Vectors: Pixabay

But there was more. 

He delved into the bag and produced, firstly, a black latex rubber basque, and secondly, a bright red latex rubber full length catsuit. With a zip in the front.

My jaw dropped open. “I hope they’ve been wiped clean” I said.

Volunteer S continued to smirk. Then Volunteer J wandered in, shrugged dismissively and said “That’s nothing. Last year we had an eighty-odd year old bloke who sprinted in, dropped a black sack and fled. We found a vibrator inside……..

I’m given to understand none of these items actually made it to the shop floor.

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