It’s all about timing. Mid mornings and early
afternoons are usually better than first thing or mid-afternoon - when the
yummy mummies are on the prowl. And it’s useful to check there’s nobody dodgy-looking
outside who might dash in and empty the contents of the shop into a duffel bag
whilst I’m mid flow.
It’s the being on my own. It causes problems
when I need the loo. I can’t just lock the front door because;
1) The Boss
Erratic has spies everywhere, and she’ll know;
2) There’s always a bunch of
stock displayed outside and it would just be too much of a pain to pack it all
up and get it inside every time I needed a pee.
Photo: Unsplash: Gabor Monori |
No, I just need to get the timing right.
And the preparation. Preparation is key.
Firstly, it’s useful to come to work with as few layers around the nether regions as possible; layers equals delays. So jeans are better than a skirt, a tucked-in top and tights. Also, a long top is very useful. This allows for the secret unzipping of jean flies whilst still in situ behind the till, thereby reducing time needed in the loo itself. Of course, a firm hand on the waistband whilst nipping from till to loo is then required, otherwise my jeans will fall down in full view of the shop window. Not good.
If the worst happens and somebody enters the
shop whilst I’m still on the pan, I have to hop off double quick and make it
look like they haven’t caught me out; i.e. I have to forego The Flush (but not
the handwash: I’m not a slob). I do admit, however, that this course of action
is risky; if someone has any sort of inkling that I’ve been tinkling it makes
me look twice as bad if they think I haven’t completed the transaction. But, of
course, they’re much too polite to say.
Another tool is understanding science: what
goes in must come out. So sadly, in the shop, tea is rationed.
These are the rules that shape my day. Making
you jealous, aren’t I?...........
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